The Uncontrolable Urge

It hit me again last night. That uncontrollable urge to just eat. It was bout 12:30am. I started getting ready for bed at 11:30pm and that's early believe it or not. My goal was to be in bed by midnight. I have a whole story about getting to bed, but that will have to wait for another blog entry. Anyway, I got into bed and decided to read for a little bit. I was about ready to fall asleep when I remembered that my swimsuit needed to be hung up to dry. The thought of putting on a wet swimsuit in the morning to go swimming was not appealing at all. So I drug myself out of bed and hung it up, used the bathroom and then it hit... the overwhelming urge to eat something. By this time I was wide awake and food was all I could think about. SERIOUSLY!?!?!? Where did this come from? Looking back I really should have journalled. Journalling usually helps me figure what I'm really feeling at the time. I just sit down with pen and paper and purge EVERYTHING. It's actually quite surprising what comes out. But last night I was so afraid that if I left my room I'd eat and I really didn't want to. I forced myself to go back to bed and I knelt down and prayed. It really wasn't a coherent prayer. I just kind of knelt there letting my mind wander until I felt tired again. So I climbed into bed hoping sleep would overcome me. But no, it didn't. I couldn't get the desire to eat something out of my head. And what I wanted to eat was not good. If I could have made a batch of brownies, I would have. Or a huge plate of nachos. What else was going through my head? Oh, I had the thought of going to McDonald's because the drive through is open 24 hours and getting a few hamburgers and fries.

This tossing and turning lasted a while until I finally got up. I went to the kitchen, filled up my water bottle, grabbed 4 Fiber One bars and went to my laptop to watch a couple of TV shows online. I figured if I was going to eat something, a Fiber One bar wasn't as bad as a whole pan of brownies, etc. One Fiber One bar has 140 Calories, 4g fat, 90mg sodium, 29g carbs, 9g fiber and 2g protein. Definitely better than a McDonald's run. But I was still frustrated with myself. I don't get this mind numbing urge that overcomes me sometimes. Ha! "Sometimes"? I don't think a day goes by when I don't feel it at least once.

OK, so what can I learn from this? I don't want to be hard on myself because I'll just get depressed and probably go eat more. Let's look at the positive. OK. 1.) I didn't make brownies or nachos and I didn't go to McDonald's. YEAH!!! Pat on the back. 2.) I did turn to prayer first. And who knows, maybe the prayer helped me choose the Fiber One bars instead. This is a process right? 3.) I'm acknowledging what happened, writing it down and creating a plan of attack for the next time because, let's face it, there definitely will be a next time.

OK. Plan of attack. I think the praying helped, so next time step 1 is to pray. Step 2 is to journal. I need to figure out why I get these overwhelming urges to eat. There's probably an emotional reason behind them and once I figure out what it is, I can fix it. Step 3... if the urge doesn't go away, then I'll make a salad or a fruit smoothie instead. Or cut up some fresh fruits and veggies or have only 1 Fiber One bar instead of 4. :-)

Hmm... OK. I think I'm good. I'm ready for the day and I feel at peace with last night and a little defiant. BRING IT ON!!!! I WILL CONQUER THIS!!!!