Wanted: A Rich Sugar Daddy or a Winning Lottery Ticket

I am really struggling lately with the desire to work. This doesn't mean that I want to sit on my lazy butt all day and do nothing. It just simply means that I don't really care to be employed anymore... at least not at my particular job. My colleague LOVES, LOVES, LOVES his job and can't wait to get to work in the morning. I don't get this. I don't find our job particularly fulfilling. And as for being eager to get to work in the morning... I wait until the last possible minute to get out of bed and start getting ready. I know that if I don't leave the house by a certain time I run the risk of not getting parking at the BART station. And most mornings when I do leave on time I'm hoping for a full parking lot earlier than normal or major delays either on the freeway or on BART. How sad is that?

A big part of my waining desire for a career is the uncertainty of whether or not I will be employed in a month and what my current job responsibilities are. We are in the middle of a corporate merger, I being an employee of the stronger company who bought out the weaker company. So you'd think I would have job security, right? Wrong. The powers that be are having to merge 2 very large companies, similar in size and function. So many of the jobs are duplicated. My department is still trying to figure out how many full time positions it will have now that we have merged. For budget reasons, and for functionality reasons (meaning we don't need that many people to do what we do), we won't be able to keep everyone from both companies.

First they had to decide who would be the director of our department. Well, you'd think they'd keep the current director (my boss) since he has been doing the job for several years and works for the surviving company. Nope. They "displaced" him. He found out the day before his prostate cancer surgery that upon his return from surgery he would have to interview for his own job. Ten days after his surgery (he did not take medical leave) he returned to work and interviewed for his job only to find out 2 weeks later that they would be letting him go.

Now I wait. Wait for my new boss to decide who she's going to keep on her new team. I've already had to send her my resume. She was out here (she and her entire team are located on the other side of the country!!!) to meet me and I basically had a job interview with her as she went over my resume and proceeded to tell me that she has 2 people on her team that do what I do for her. Nice. So does that mean she doesn't need me? Why keep me, someone whom she doesn't know when she can keep people she's worked with for several years? The only thing I have in my corner right now is that I am the only one on the West Coast that can do my job. That is unless she has someone who is willing to relocate.

But now I'm faced with the question, do I want to work for the "new team"? I need a job. This economy is not a good one to be out of work. I could go back to school, but in what? I have so many interests how do I pick one? I feel like an 18 year old again trying to decide what to major in in college. The only difference is it's a masters degree that I'm trying to decide and I'm almost twice the age of an 18 year old. I almost wish I would get laid off so I wouldn't have to make that decision. And even if I do get hired for the new team, I still plan on going back to school in the near future (as soon as I decide what to study). So how fair is that to someone on my team who will get laid off? How fair would it be for me to stay and my colleague who LOVES, LOVES, LOVES his job to be let go? It would be different if I want to make a career out of this and stay in this field, but it doesn't excite me. I'm good at it, but I don't necessarily enjoy it. I don't hate it, but I don't really care about it either.

If only I could find a rich sugar daddy or a winning lottery ticket, then all my financial worries would be taken care of and I could take the time to find out what it is that I would truly enjoy doing for a living.

Long and Overdue...

I realize it's been quite some time since my last entry. I guess I've felt that not much has happened recently. But as I reflect I realize that's not entirely true.

Christmas

My sister, Brenda, and I drove to the Boise, Idaho area to visit our sister Jennifer and her family since we were orphans this year. (Our parents are currently serving a mission in Paraguay and won't be home for another year.) The drive up was fine. No problems with the weather. The drive home on the other hand is a different story. It was snowing when we left Jennifer's house. About 15 minutes out we decided to stop and put the chains on. I thought I knew how to do it but it wasn't going so well. I had the general idea right, but I'd never actually done it. It's not that easy. We drove that way for the next 5 hours but only went 120 miles. It was quite the adventure.

We had a great time with Jennifer's family. The kids are adorable. Abigail is just too cute for words with big beautiful eyes and the most gorgeous smile. Jacob is growing up so fast and I can actually understand him when he talks now. Granted I have to really be paying attention because he changes subjects so quickly, but he's a riot. We took him sledding at the nearby school that had a decent sized hill. He was not afraid and as soon as the sled was set down in front of him he jumped right on and sped down the hill. The coming back up proved a little more daunting to him. It was quite icy and he would end up on his stomach saying, "Help me, help me!" And we'd tell him that he was almost there and that he could make it and he'd cry back, "I can't, I can't!" And we just sat at the top laughing. I'm sure it's going to give him a complex, but I couldn't help it. It was so funny. Most of the time he made it back up on his own.

"Help me, Help me!"

Jacob, the Daredevil.

Beautiful Abigail

The Lee sisters
Don't hate us because we're beautiful!!!

I will write more later to update everyone with what's been going on since Christmas. But right now I want to go workout on the treadmill. I have a goal to do it everyday this week. Who knows what will happen next week, but I'm just concentrating on this week.

Something You Don't See Everyday!!!

I work for Wells Fargo, one of the oldest and now largest banks in the United States. It is probably one of the most well branded companies out there. The company began over 150 years ago with the Wells Fargo stagecoach. While technology out grew the need for the stagecoach, it has remained an icon and symbol for our company through the years. Vary rarely do you see one in public, except for the occasional parade or trade show. But yesterday, in downtown San Francisco, if one was walking near the intersection of Montgomery and California Streets, they would have seen the Wells Fargo stagecoach pulled by 4 gorgeous black horses, accompanied by one horse trainer on horseback, 4 SFPD on horseback and multiple motorcycle cops. It was actually kind of fun to see. Apparently, there was a contest to give away $100,000 to a worthy cause and the winner got to ride in the stagecoach up to the headquarters building to accept her prize. We have a Foundation that gives away millions of dollars each year to schools and non-profit organizations. I like to say it's the nice side of corporate America. Here are a few pictures of the event.

It Boggles the Mind!!!

Beware. I know I haven't posted in a while and I apologize that this post is going to be a venting of my frustrations. But there is a part of the human existence that truly escapes my understanding. It boggles my mind. Marriage. Now, don't get me wrong. I understand what it is and why, but I am at a complete lost as how to obtain it. I was on Facebook checking out profiles of all these people I grew up with and most of them are married. I had to log out because my frustration had reached a boiling point. Which brings me here. How do people get married? How do they find people who want to marry them? I'm having trouble just finding someone to ask me on a date. I just don't get it. And it isn't for a lack of trying. Trust me!!! I've put myself out there. I've asked guys out. In fact, I've asked more guys than have ever asked me out. I am a pro at embarrassing myself in this regard and at rejection. Well, maybe I can't say a pro at rejection, because I don't handle it well at all. But I sure have had my share of it, more than I care to. I attended singles wards for 17 years. OH MY WORD THAT'S A LONG TIME!!! Singles wards have worked for other people, but not me. I've even resorted to online dating. Yes, it is tragic. But I have done it and have met a few people. Online dating is a bit strange. But it does seem easier to get to know someone online than in person. It goes faster, that's for sure. In fact, my longest "relationships" have been online relationships. Oh, that is sad. But they've all turned out to be colossal jerks. One guy ended up not wanting to take it any further than an online thing. WHAT?!?! And another guy, he... well, he had issues. Let's leave it at that. So here I am, 35 and single. I'm in a family ward and I've found that I have more in common with the married men than I do with the women, which sucks because I can't really hang out with the men. I don't think their wives would appreciate that. But they talk about work and life and sports and politics and the economy and... whatever. The wives talk about their husbands and their kids and since I have neither, I really can't relate. So do I go back to a singles ward? The frustrating thing about that option is that I am just constantly reminded that there are a ton of single men, great single men, who do not want more than a casual friendship. Casual friendships are nice, but come on already!!! What's so terribly wrong with me? OK, so maybe I don't have a Cindy Crawford figure, but I'm pretty damn great! I'm smart, talented, I have a wacky sense of humor, I've been told I'm pretty (but to say it myself would seem rather arrogant! :-) ), I'm a good cook, very organized, capable of doing almost anything I try (I can't skateboard - I fell flat on my butt the one time I tried), I'm well rounded (physically as well as mentally! hehehe), I'm good at sports... man this list is long!!! See what I mean? Pretty damn great. Perfect? No, but who is? So why can't I find someone who wants to marry me? I'd be a great wife and mother. Well, there it is. I'm so done being alone. It sucks. But I haven't figured out how to get from point A to point B. I still want it to happen. Just because I am 35 doesn't mean I'm all washed up and out of hope. I had an aunt that said to me when I was 25 that I shouldn't worry because there are many women who never get married!!! I WAS ONLY 25!!! WOW!!! She had already given up hope on me then. Well, I'd better end this depressing tirade. If anyone has any words of wisdom, I'm open for suggestions.

History in the Making...

Well, it's over. And I am so glad. I was so tired of the arguing between the candidates and supporters and opponents of all the propositions. I read an article in the San Francisco Examiner this morning that I rather enjoyed. He was speaking for politics in San Francisco, but I think it can be applied to the country as a whole. At one point he says, "Our elections have little to do with the betterment of [our country] and mostly to do with the continuous pursuit of power." I wish I could believe that our politicians truly have our best interest at heart.

I'm glad Proposition 8 passed. I wish it meant there would be an end to the contention surrounding it, but unfortunately I see a long fight on the road ahead. There were so many arguments for and opposed and I was really torn about what I believed. But it all boiled down to what the Prophet and Apostles taught - marriage is sacred and is ordained by God between a man and a woman. For me, it was as simple as that. That is what it boiled down to. Many people may have used other reasons for supporting their decision and I'll admit, I did to at one point. You can read about that in a previous post. But after I wrote that post I came across an article refuting those reasons, pointing out the falsehoods used to twist them around to make them support their cause and I had to decide what my decision would be and why. It was simple. Marriage is sacred and ordained by God between a man and a woman. It may not be an argument that can be supported by documentation or published works other than the scriptures. But since when has faith meant that you have to have proof to believe in something. Faith is having hope and believing in things that are not seen. If there was tangible proof it wouldn't be faith, it would be knowledge. I have faith in God and in our prophet and apostles that they have directed us in the way that God would have us go.

I'm rambling. I want to add before I end this entry that regardless of how we all voted, this is a historic moment. A black man will be President of the United States. Think of all the blood, sweat and tears that have built up to this moment. I know many people who honestly did not think this was something that would happen in their lifetime. Is this the vision that Martin Luther King Jr. had? I wonder if the slaves who helped build the White House and the Capital Building had any idea that some day this country would have a black president. There are some out there that may not think this is that big of deal. But I have always loved history. In junior high and high school the Civil War and the Civil Rights Movement were a couple of the most interesting topics to me. They touched my heart and moved my soul. I remember visiting the Lincoln Memorial a few years ago on one of my business trips to Washington, DC and being reminded of those feelings as I revisited those history lessons. I feel blessed to have experienced this moment in history.

A Humorous Pet Peeve

Everyone has pet peeves. Some people may not admit it, but come on!!! Let's be honest. There are things that bother everyone. They are definitely different from person to person. I'll admit it. I have pet peeves. Some things I try to not let bother me, but others are just things that bug and I'm really OK with that. One thing that bugs is people who do things that don't make sense. I was trying to find a way to say that without sounding mean, but seriously. Sometimes people will do something that makes no sense what-so-ever and it totally bugs!!! Here's one example that just makes me laugh every time I see it.

The women's bathroom at work has a handicapped bathroom stall and like most handicapped stalls it is much larger than the regular ones. (OK, so this may not be the PC way to say it, but oh well. Deal with it.) As many of you may know, sometimes the stalls have pretty big gaps in the spaces between the walls and the doors, etc. and sometimes you have to be choosy as to which stall you're going to use to make sure you don't give people on the other side a show. At work, the handicapped stall was this way. But maintenance came in and put a metal slab and black padding up to keep the users of this stall modest. YEAH!!! However, someone, and I really don't know who, still feels the need to waste toilet paper to cover up the former cracks every time they use this stall. Did they not notice the metal slab that cover up the gap!?!? And every time I take down the toilet paper and flush it down the toilet. It drives me nuts because it's a stupid thing to do. Come on!!! Use some common sense and realize you don't need to waste toilet paper. Here are some pictures. I just had to take them to prove that I'm not going crazy. You may think I'm strange, but I find this hilarious and annoying at the same time. Just thought I'd share.

See how she sticks the toilet paper in between the wall and the stall to cover up the "gap"? Look at the next picture and you'll see there is no reason to do it!!!

The metal is flush with the wall and over laps the stall. Why does this drive me nuts and why am I devoting a whole entry on my blog to this? Common sense. People. Use your common sense.

Proposition 8

For those of you who read my blog who do not live in California, you may not have heard about Proposition 8. Proposition 8, if passed, will protect marriage as defined between a man and a woman. A number of years ago, we had a similar proposition up for vote in California voted down, which protected marriage between a man and a woman. Then a few years ago, many may remember that the esteemed (sarcasm!!!) mayor of San Francisco decided to legalized same sex marriage. It was quickly overruled by the California State Government. But for some reason, a few months ago, by a slim majority decision makers in our state government legalized gay marriage. Why? I have no idea. It was put to the vote several years ago and the majority of California citizens voted to keep marriage between a man and a woman. So now we are faced with Proposition 8.

Personally, while I do not support same sex marriage or relationships for that matter, I am of the belief that every human being was given the gift of free agency by God. If that is how someone feels they were created and chooses to live their life, then so be it. I don't look down on them for it. I don't agree with it, but I'm not going to shun them. Some of the funniest, kindest people I know are gay men, friends I've met and worked with over the years. So I agree to disagree. But when it comes to same sex marriage, a part of me wonders, why not? If you look at it from a strictly political point of view, under the Constitution every citizen of this country should be allowed the same rights. My problem with legalizing same sex marriage is with everything else that comes with it. Non-profit organizations and churches will be forced by law to recognize homosexuality. For example, in Massachusets a Catholic organization that provided adoptions chose to close its doors rather than provide same sex couples with adopted children. Prior to gay marriage being legalized in that state, a church would be perfectly within their legal rights to deny adoption to a gay couple due to religious beliefs. Not any more.

Just last week, a first grade class took a field trip to San Francisco's City Hall to witness their teacher's marriage to her lesbian partner. 1ST GRADERS!!! The school thought it was a great teaching opportunity. If Proposition doesn't pass, then homosexuality will be taught in our public schools as the norm right along with hetersexuality.

If there is such a fight for gay marriage rights, then why not legalize polygamy? Where does it stop? I'm all for equal rights. But when equal rights for one group takes away the rights of others, I'm not OK with that. The rights of the religious and others who choose not to believe in homosexuality is being stolen. How can they force those of us who have religious views against homosexuality to accept it and believe in it? This country was founded by people who commited treason in order to establish a place where people could be free to believe and practice what they wanted to. And now those basic rights that were established at the birth of this country are being destroyed. It's a scary time here for those who support Proposition 8. If they want to get married and have it legalized, fine. But don't take away my rights to believe, and practice and live my religion. FREEDOM OF SPEECH! FREEDOM OF RELIGION!

Metering Lights: Alleviation or Aggravation

If you cross any of the bridges in the San Francisco Bay Area during commute hours, you will experience the invention of metering lights. Their purpose is to regulate the traffic on the bridges to alleviate traffic congestion. Does it work? Not really sure. But regardless, the powers that be decided to expand the use of these metering lights to several freeway entrances to be used again during commute hours. These have been in existence on many Bay Area freeway onramps closer to the city where traffic congestion tends to be more concentrated. However, as the outlying areas of the Bay Area have continued experiencing growth and development, the traffic congestion has increased and metering lights began popping up closer to home. They were put in a while ago, but just have never been turned on. That was until September 16th.

On September 16th I ended up waking up earlier than the butt crack of dawn so I decided to go into work early. That early in the morningthe metering lights weren't as issue. I beat everyone to work that day, even my boss who is usually the first one to the office. On the 17th, I woke up a little later than the day before, but still left for the office much earlier than I normally do. Metering lights Day 2... not so bad. But then came the 18th. After 2 days of not getting enough sleep I slept much later and ended up leaving work 20 minutes later than I normally do. Warning!!! Traffic a nightmare just getting out of Livermore onto the freeway.

I realized I was going to be a little late for work. It was 8:15am, which meant I would probably get to the BART station in time for the 8:42am train... IF I HURRIED!!! Otherwise I would have to take the 8:57am train which would put me into the city by 9:44am, getting to my office by 10:00am. I called my boss to let him know that I would be late and explained why. He's great and told me to just work from home.

Which brings me to today. So I left this morning at my usual time, 7:40am. This time I decided to take the Portola onramp instead of the Airway Blvd. onramp thinking it may be better. Plus, I was leaving a little earlier than last week. Surely it couldn't be that bad. @#$%@$&. It could and it was.

People... I live less than 5 minutes from the freeway. I could take either Airway Blvd or Portola Avenue. Either one takes less than 5 minutes to get to from my house. IT TOOK ME 30 MINUTES JUST TO GET ON THE FREEWAY!!!!!! HELLO INSANITY!!! By the time I got on the freeway I was in the same boat as last week. Sure they use these metering lights to regulate how often cars can get on the freeway, but it doesn't decrease the number of people who still have to get on the freeway. AND... it didn't make traffic on the freeway any less congested. It just added 25 minutes to my already 1 1/2 hour commute! ARGH!!!

So, metering lights: alleviation or aggravation? DEFINATELY AGGRAVATION!!!

I Almost Lived at Safeway

OK, so I know that I owe this blog and whatever viewers of this blog pictures from my trip to Honduras and Costa Rica. I'll get to it. In the meantime I wanted to share my latest "Doh!" moment and so far the most exciting part of my week! (How sad! Yes, I know.)

So these last few weeks have been interesting for me. I won't go into all the gory details. Trust me... you don't want to know. Suffice it to say (is that how that phrase is written?) I have been feeling somewhat lethargic and not my usual chipper self. However, Monday I was feeling more myself and was excited to go home and be productive and get some necessary things done and get to bed early. (I've been staying up late, which is part of the problem.) I had even written out a "To Do" list... on a 3x5 card none-the-less!!! (That will only be funny for my immediate family. Sorry.)

I left the BART station and decided to stop by the Safeway on my way home and pick up some milk. I was out and for me milk is a main staple. I pulled my gorgeous red Mustang :-) into the parking lot and grabbed my bag to put in the trunk while I was in the store. I don't want to give anyone more of an excuse to break into my car. I opened the trunk and used the clicker to lock my car. I set everything down in the trunk, grabbed my wallet out of my bag so I wouldn't have to carry the whole thing into the store. I then grabbed one of the grocery bags that I keep in my trunk so that I can feel good about contributing to the improvement of the environment and not use plastic bags. I shut the trunk and started walking into the store when I realized... MY KEYS WERE IN THE TRUNK OF MY CAR!!!!!!!!!!

HELLO!!! I've never done that before. After the first initial gasp when I realized what I had done, I was pretty much calm through the rest of my ordeal. I'm a good problem solver and my mind went into gear to figure out how to get out of this mess. I have AAA. Great!!! I'll just call them and have them come help me get into my car. CRAP!!! MY PHONE IS IN MY BAG IN THE TRUNK OF MY CAR!!! OK. Next problem. So I go into Safeway and explain my predicament to the Customer Service clerk who lets me use their phone.

After getting through to the trusty AAA they inform me that the locksmith can't get their until an hour later. Lovely. I get to hang out at Safeway. So I sit in the little cafe wondering what I'm going to do with myself for the next hour. After people watching for a little while (its interesting to see how many people will wander into a grocery store and just meander for a while) I decided to get something to eat. After all, I was in a grocery store. I bought my milk, a sandwich and a few other things and went outside to eat. As it neared the time that I was assured by the AAA lady that the locksmith would arrive, I went to stand by car to wait. I figured it would be easier for them to find me in a sea of parked cars. But they didn't come.

I went back into the Safeway and called AAA again. They told me the locksmith wouldn't be able to make it until 8:11pm. WHAT!?!?!? I was so frustrated I hung up on her. It wasn't until after I hung up that I realized that she could just cancel my service request for my being rude to her. But I had to hope that she wouldn't. She didn't. But I had to wait until 8:00pm for the guy to finally come. Do you know how long it takes for the moon to rise from the horizon to almost 1/4 of the way across the sky? I do.

The locksmith was able to unlock my car and then unlock my trunk by sticking this long metal stick between my back seats and pulling the release tag. I now know that if I ever get kidnapped and thrown into the back of my car that I can just pull the release and jump right out. I hope I never have to use that.

So I finally made it home by 8:30, enough time to relax, take a shower, read and go to bed. So much for getting things done on my list. But hey, I got to spend a fun, exciting evening at a local Safeway! Lucky me! (NOT!!!)

My Last Day in Cost Rica

First of all I need to make a comment about my last post. My birthday post. At that time I was feeling really down and very home sick. I was done and ready to go home. But my friends sprung into action and took me out to dinner. I got to pick the restaurant and chose a place called Morpho´s Cafe. They had traditional Costa Rican food. It was great. It wasn´t anything spectacular, but the gesture turned my day around and I went to bed feeling much better about being me. Thank goodness. It would have made the last few days of my trip torture.

We are now in a town on the Costa Rican coast called Quepos. It is idillic. We stayed in a beach front hotel and I spent the day relaxing on the beach. It was beautiful. We are going home tomorrow so I will be able to post some pictures of my trip. It´s been a fun experience, but I am looking forward to going home.